In a funk.

I'm sitting on my bed (the lower bunk) in the Abraham Hostel as Anny packs up the last of her things. She's the last one to go - and then I'm here alone. I don't know what's the deal with me - I'm kind of in a funk about everyone leaving. I guess this has always been a weird thing with me - I get all emotional about getting left behind. On my mission it was always so much easier to be the companion leaving than the one staying. I don't really know why this is the case, but I suspect it has something to do with years of foster brothers and sisters coming and leaving.

So, I don't know if it's that, or looking into the next two weeks of all I have to do, and not really knowing how I'm going to do it - but something is bugging me. I'm just in a funk.

Yesterday, you probably noticed (I'll hear it from my mom tomorrow for sure!), I didn't write. I didn't feel like I had much to say, and plain didn't feel like it. I slept in a bit late (for me) and then lazed around and read a book I found in the Fauzi Azar collection of random books left by travelers (I found among the accumulation a collection of LDS hymns and some stuff by Madsen, interestingly), visited the Orthodox Basilica of the Annunciation, and then waited for Anny. We had to forego our trip to Haifa, since it was Friday and approaching Shabbat - no buses were running after 2.

And that was about it.

I've met some great people on my way. During our first days at the Abraham Hostel, I was convinced that this backpacker life the one for me. I loved talking to new people, the communal atmosphere, the adventurous feel to it all. And I still feel that way - but more from a distance now. I'm not sure what changed. I feel overwhelmed by all the people I don't know, and different from them, since I can't join them in a beer or something; and I guess I'm always a little plagued by my insecurities - I don't fit the bodily mold of a backpacker, I can't seem to keep up interesting conversation for more than a minute or two. In fact, I'm usually worried that the longer they talk to me, the greater risk I run of getting found out - for not being as cool or intelligent or something as the front I put on.  Now I'm rambling into my regular issues.

Anyway, I was feeling pretty melancholy this morning as I walked to church. But the two hours of church (only Sacrament and Relief Society, since all the BYU Jerusalem students are in Turkey) did my soul some real good. It felt good to be surrounded by my people, if that makes sense. And I truly felt my heart lightened by the Holy Spirit. I also took some time to just sit and reminisce about my time here 13 years ago. It changed my life, obviously, and I guess I wanted some reassurance that I had been following a real future, not just some nostalgic dream. I felt that reassurance.

I was supposed to meet Anny at Damascus Gate afterward, but waited for about 20 minutes and couldn't find her. So I went over to Jaffa Gate, thinking maybe she misunderstood, and then back to the hostel. No luck. After an hour and a half of waiting, even calling her on Google, I was just about to panic, when she knocked on the door. Somehow we missed one another, but luckily she got to see everything she wanted to see. I was glad for that.

And soon she'll be off (about a half hour now).

I want to end this post with a note about small miracles and answered prayers. You already know the story of the Nazareth driving disaster - and the people placed in our path to help us. Two days ago as we walked in the miserable heat of the day, I began to talk out loud to Heavenly Father, begging Him to send just a little breeze (it was as still as could be). He did, and I thanked Him, out loud again. I kept asking, and small breezes kept coming within seconds. It was very much appreciated. Then today, as I walked up to the BYU Jerusalem Center, I asked for peace in my heart, and it came. I am being truly blessed.

Now I just need some more help to make something positive happen with this research. I've already made some great contacts and will pursue those, but I think I'm going to make a small paper survey to hand out to people at some of the Christian holy sites. I've never done this sort of thing before, and it scares me a bit. But I think it will be the best approach to see how people from different Christian denominations approach and experience these holy sites - the traditions, the expectations, the feelings, etc. So, that's the plan. From here, the blog will likely be ponderings on this research. Please feel free to continue to read and enjoy. But there won't be as many pictures. (smiley face)

**** I must make an amendment to the earlier posting. Driven by hunger out to the streets around 7 (after Anny left), I wandered until I found a little pub/restaurant open. It took some searching. Jerusalem, in the Jewish section, is nigh unto a ghost-town on Shabbat. NOTHING was open, and the people on the streets were a) Orthodox Jews on their way to the synagogue; b) tourists like myself; c) what I can only assume are immigrant workers - some Philippinas and Africans (the Africans weren't Ethiopian Jews, I don't think - they weren't speaking Hebrew. But I could very well be wrong); d) homeless people.

But I knew I was close to hope when I heard a crowd around a corner, and sure enough, there was the pub. I ate some fish and chips while I read my book and people-watched, and then headed off to what I thought was the street I lived on. I got good and lost, but the city no longer resembled anything like a ghost-town. It was hopping! Shops had opened (it was fully dark now) and everyone was out for a night on the town! I was swarmed a couple of times with Birthright Tour kids (groups of Jewish post-high school age kids that come to connect with their homeland) looking for a good time, and twice passed the same street performer singing Greenday and CCR. I dropped a shekel in his case - he was pretty decent.

I decided it was time to ask someone for how to arrive at Jaffa Street, and popped in a little gelato place. Bad idea - or perhaps excellent idea, depending on your perspective. In any case, I said, "Shalom," and the girl said, "Hi." Rats - I can't escape my American-ness, can I? In English I said, "I'm that obvious, eh?" She replied that my "shalom" made her wonder, but I looked American. Well, at least my accent wasn't the issue. I got the most sinful, rich dark chocolate gelato with a scoop of some berry flavor, and directions to my street. All is well - and I'm ready to go out and conquer. For now, that means I'm going to bed. Assuming my roommate Jeff (the 74-year-old from Australia) doesn't decide to talk my ear off all night as he did last night. My other new roommate George, who apparently doesn't speak much English just came in. Oh boy - spending the night with two older men. Time to get the earplugs!

Just as I left the kid singing, "Don't go out tonight, It's bound to take your life; There's a bad moon on the rise," I looked up and saw the full moon. But for me, going out was just what I needed. Here's the view on the street tonight. 

Have you found Jesus? We have. Sylvia's eating dinner with him.

But that story is yet to come.

For now I begin with last night. Our little apartment was very nice, with a beautiful flowers, a grape-vine covered walkway, and lovely pool; but what I will remember is the food. Oh, yes, the food! First, I must admit it was rather expensive, but it was superb! I got St. Peter's Fish (in Hebrew it's just called oven fish - interesting to note), and it was perfectly flavored and pleasant.

I woke up early again - which was good - we needed to get an earlier start because this day was going to be the longest yet. And breakfast was everything we could hope for. On the table waiting for us was an assortment of delicious fruits, several kinds of cheese, two kinds of jam/marmalade, bread and cream cheese, cut vegetables with a delicious creamy dip, olives, fresh yogurt with granola, mint tea, a fruit smoothie, and a an egg fried in a ramekin with some kind of tomato salsa. Amazing.

Fully stuffed, and completely slathered in sunscreen (we learned our lesson from yesterday in which we thought it a good idea to get some sun; Sylvia and I have paid a rather painful price for that), we departed and headed toward the Cliffs of Arbel. The cliff's edge provided a spectacular view of the Galilee and various towns. And the knowledge that we would soon be making our way down that cliff was thrilling.

And thrilling it was! The trail was mostly easy, but for about 200 yards, it was straight down the cliff's edge, with rubber-covered metal cables and metal foot/hand holds protruding. Sylvia thought it quite the satisfying adventure.

(Anny just commented, as I'm sitting here writing, "We are amazing! Every day walking more than most people travel in a car!" Indeed we are.)

These cliffs have quite the history. In the time of Herod the Great, the Galilean rebels hid out in these caves. Herod sent down soldiers in baskets, and they reached in and pulled out the rebels, throwing them down to their deaths. The rest they burned out. According to Josephus Flavius, hundreds died this way.

From the cliffs we marched on toward Wadi Hammam (Hamman means pigeon, apparently for the pigeon caves found therein), which is a small Bedouin village (the Bedouins in the south are still nomadic, but in the north, apparently they have settled into villages). We stayed on the path quite well today, and found our way to Kibbutz Ginosar - where the "Jesus Boat" is housed. This is quite a thing to see - a boat dug out of the mud on the shores of the Galilee, dating to the time of Jesus. We rested here for about 2 hours, then tromped out into the heat of the day.

It was sauna-like. Dry, all-encompassing heat radiating from every direction, up and down. It measured 95 degrees outside. This was the truly challenging part of our day - of the whole trail. We slogged on for two hours in that heat, stopping only 2 or 3 times when we found some decent shade (this was hard to come by for long stretches), and when Anny needed to relieve her bladder (she's rather proud that she learned to go outside, and did it a lot! Sylvia and I rarely had to do so, since we were sweating so profusely).

By 4 we made it to the long-awaited gas station that marked the point where we were close to our final destination. But there we ran into a taxi driver who is mentioned in the Jesus Trail guidebook, and who often picks people up. He told us we had better hurry, because Tabgha and Capernaum would close at 4:30 (not 5, as we had read). We still had 2 miles to go, and were fully exhausted from heat and distance. But we were also determined, so we hauled it up a rather steep hill and down into shores of the Galilee, where, at exactly 4:28 the guard let us slip in for a quick view of the church celebrating the miracle of the loaves and fishes (a famous mosaic resides there that is of ancient date, but we hardly had time to read the story). Afterward, however, as we were walking, rather briskly, out, we came to the closed gate (with several other perturbed tourists). We waited for a full 10 minutes (I was NOT a happy or patient waiter, I can tell you!) before some handy guys picked the lock, and we headed toward Capernaum.

We didn't make it to the Mount of Beatitudes, which was a bit further up the hill, and closed anyway, but Sylvia and I did take a dip in the Sea of Galilee. Oh, it was lovely! Not really cold at all, but refreshing. And, hey, we swam where Jesus walked.

On our way back up to the main road to catch the bus, we ran into a nice guy from Spain. Sylvia was elated to practice her Spanish, and I just kept getting more and more confused between Spanish, Hebrew, and English. Turns out, his name is Jesus - a fitting way to end our Jesus Trail adventure! We got lucky enough to have a taxi take us to Tiberias for the same price as the bus, and then another small sherut take us to Nazareth for the same price as the bus. Sylvia and Jesus went out for a shwarma dinner, and here we are.

I have had occasion to ponder several times over the last few years on our capacity as humans and children of God. I believe that we can do hard things, and that, in fact, we are made to do hard things, we need to do hard things. What those hard things are, of course, differs for each person; but we are made to grow and to stretch and to do things we may not have dreamed possible. Some of these things are ones we choose and long to do; others are thrust upon us. But I believe God wants us to strive and yearn, to grow and look back with satisfaction at what we have accomplished, and the person we have become. And I believe He helps us so much more than we can possibly know. I have done various things in the last 10 years that I never considered possible for me, and I do know, in at least some ways, that God has made them possible for me. I ran a half marathon, twice; I taught middle and high school and loved it; I was accepted into a Master's and then PhD program to study Israel (which had been the dream for so long); and various other things along the way. As we trekked on today, through incredibly difficult heat, I remembered this. I still believe it. Now, thoroughly exhausted and with some painful sores from my sandal rubbing, and some good old-fashioned sunburn (some of it a product of my own neglect), I am glad we did this hard thing.

Today as we sat in the Jesus Boat museum, we made a list of our favorite quotes/repeated phrases from the trip. The top 10 are as follows (I must warn those of you sensitive to talk of bodily functions - you just can't help talking about bodily functions where you're walking outside for 10-13 miles a day!):

10. Anny: Amber smack my bum gentle. Sylvia hurt!

9. Every time we arrive at a new archaeological site, Anny screams, "Yay!".

8. We had quite the argument over the fecal excretions of runners. I insisted that a decent portion of Americans have had to make do with leaves instead of toilet paper, since frequently when one is out running, one finds oneself in urgent need, and without such amenities (and yes, this conversation came up because it has happened to me). Sylvia insists that this is a rarity, while I think it is more common than she thinks. Without further research, I guess we'll never know.

7. Anny: Oh, look at the cows! So cute! (She thinks they are so cute; apparently Taiwan has no cows.)

6. Sylvia, upon coming out of the bathroom: Is it weird that I really like to poo?

5. Amber, in response to a small, accidental gas emission from Sylvia: I heard that! It was pathetic. Sylvia's response: a HUGE and very loud, very deliberate gas emission.

4. Amber, while climbing down the sheer cliffs: My mom would be cussing if she saw me now! Sylvia (sarcastically, because I am the non-cusser): Your mom cusses? That's where you get your potty mouth!

3. Sylvia, as Anny does her bladder relieving behind a bush: I am so jealous that you can pee so quickly!

2. Amber: I want to keep my snot. I'm fond of my snot.

1. Sylvia: The balls of my feet hurt. Amber: My balls are fine. (Sylvia makes a valiant effort not to laugh and reveal that her mind went directly to the gutter. She fails.)

The pictures here are a little out of order, but it will take so much time to reorder them, you're just going to have to deal. You know the order of things from the narrative above.

Amber's plate of St. Peter's Fish, fresh from the Sea of Galilee.

Anny's roasted lamb casserole.

Sylvia standing at the top of the right side of the Cliffs of Arbel we are about to climb down.

The view from the top.

Anny and Sylvia below me on the way down.

Some of the ancient caves.

Further down the trail - with the Galilee in the distant background.

Walking through the orange groves (we also walked through banana tree, mango tree and olive groves).

Banana trees!

Just in front of the altar, you can sort of see the mosaic of the loaves and fishes - this is in Tabgha.

Another ancient mosaic, picture shot on the run as we hurried back out of the church.

And, fittingly, just outside the church is a pond with lots of fishes.

The Sea of Galilee.

Our dirty legs upon finishing today's journey (the black marks are from having to walk through a completely charred field for several hundred yards).

Cooling off burned legs in the Sea of Galilee.

We were soon joined by some sort of large rodent, kind of like a rat only the size of a cat, and apparently no tail. Anyone know what this is?

The view of the cliffs from our hotel in Moshav Arbel, and the valley beyond that we would cross today.

Hee hee. Our shadows.

The view - yet again.

Looking up at what we had come down. Stunning.

Ancient boat.

Modern boats on the Galilee.

Swimming!

Coming back from a refreshing swim.

The Basilica on the traditional Mount of Beatitudes - from a distance (since we didn't quite make it).

We can go the distance.

I purposely turned off the alarm on my phone last night, and I still woke up at 6. That was fine with me - I got plenty of sleep. And I got a few quiet minutes to write in my journal, read my scriptures - both the Book of Mormon and New Testament - and admire the fog as it rolled out. Yes, fog. Fog that re-soaked our shoes and clothes that we had set out to dry. Ah well. It was a lovely morning.

I forced Sylvia out of bed around 7:45, and we went down to eat around 8:15. I tell you, we ate well! Great dinner last night, and a great breakfast this morning. I suppose that is for the best - we haven't had much of anything else since then. Except lots and lots of water!

We began our journey already a bit lost. I tell you, we are struggling to find/follow the trail markers! But in the distance we could see the "Horns of Hattin" - twin hills that we knew marked a part of the path. So, we followed the road that seemed to lead to them, and it was the right decision. We made it there, and boy what a view!

Now, I hate to be didactic, but we couldn't help notice a life and Gospel lesson here. I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. We often get lost in the here and now, not sure what direction to take. But with a clear vision of where we want to be, we can make it there. I have often heard that there are many roads to God (or variations of this idea), and in many regards I agree. But there are certain roads and markers that we have to reach and pass.

As we discussed this little life lesson, Sylvia mentioned that sometimes we can't see our destination because it is blocked by trees or other obstacles in our vision (this was oddly out of context, since there was not a tree within 300 yards of us - and none between us and the horns we were trying to get to). I concurred, which led me to the next part of the analogy: in those moments, lacking a detailed map or intimate knowledge of the trail, you have to find a clearing from which you can get a good view of the goal, and your relation to it. I may be approaching dangerously close to  overly religious or sentimental territory here, but I do think this is true. Keeping a clear view of the goal and a self-assessment of how we are doing in getting there is absolutely crucial.

So, there you go. Our philosophy for the day. This became a recurring theme, as the trail markers were often hard to come by, and we had to rely on the distant goal for guidance. Often, we were not on the "correct" path at all, we realized later, but here we are in our comfortable guest house resting from the day's labors, quite satisfied with our success.

We made it up and around the horns, which wasn't too much of an ascent, but boy, was it a descent! And we seemed to lose the trail around the time of the descent. We followed a trail, but we think it was the wrong one - no trail markers, and it brought us to a cow farm (apparently not a dairy, however), where we had to trek through more awful thistles. And the trail coming down was rather encumbered by horrible thorn bushes, which I'm quite certain are the kind used 2,000 years ago to make a crown for Jesus (from the ones pointed out to me by my teachers when I was in the BYU Jerusalem Center). They were a pain! Literally!

From the stinky but charming little farm, made our way to a real road, where we found markers again. They led us to Nebi Shueib, where we were not allowed to enter the Druze shrine because, apparently, our long, well-past-the-knee shorts/capris were too short (the guide book said, and I quote, "pants past the knees"). But they did let us in to the parking lot where we rested under some shade and refilled our water bottles.

We then made our way down into the little town of Kfar Zeitim - which means, Olive Village - and again lost the trail markers. We are a little frustrated with this pattern - we are three relatively intelligent young women, with pretty good eye sight (when my contacts are in - and they are!).  How can this be so hard! But we asked a guy on the street - he was a local, and I talked to him all in Hebrew, and he understood perfectly, and I understood his response perfectly. Those moments are so very fun! He directed us toward the right way, although I don't think it was the actual trail. No matter - we were heading to the next major goal: the Cliff of Arbel. Is this starting to sound a little like Frodo and Sam's journey in the Lord of the Rings? It felt a little like it!

Suddenly, we found trail markers again, and they led us to the ruins of an ancient synagogue. It was quite remarkable. We then knew our guest house (accommodations for the night) was close. Good thing - Anny was fading fast (it was about 1:30, and it was really hot. She doesn't seem to be sweating very much, so her cooling system is not working; mine, on the other hand, is working outstandingly). We found the guest house, which is a small apartment with all the amenities, and it includes a nice little pool! Sylvia and I took advantage of that!

We made excellent time today, despite the pauses for rests and searching for the trail. It's been nice to rest here and get geared up for the final leg tomorrow - which will be the longest and possibly the hardest. But I'm really excited for it - we begin with the cliffs, which have an incredible history and afford a spectacular view; then basically walk along the shores of the Galilee for about 12 miles.

Can you tell I'm not so tired now (it's only 6:40, and I've been swimming/resting/catching up on the blog for about 4 hours)? I am writing a lot more. I'm thoroughly sunburned on my arms and legs, which I didn't cover in sunscreen. And I realize that in the future, I will bring either a hat or a kerchief to protect my head and stop the sweat from dripping into my eyes (turns out sweat mixed with sunscreen is rather painful to the eyes, and makes for some irritated eyelids too!). But We're all feeling great and raring to go!

The view of the fog from our balcony this morning.

Anny loved looking at the cows.

Walking along the "trail" - or at least the way we went before we got on the right trail. This is in the agricultural part of Kibbutz Lavi.

The Horns of Hattin in the distance.

View of the Cliffs of Arbel from the top of the Horns.

Amber and Sylvia at the top of the Horns.

Sylvia checking the map at the top, and reading the story of the  Crusader -  Muslim battle that took place here a thousand years ago.

The Israel National Trail marker, with the Jesus Trail dot next to it.

View from the top of the Horns.

More view from the top of the Horns.

The Cliffs of Arbel - from a distance. That's the goal!

Some of the scenery in Kfar Zeitim - it's a lovely little town!

Amber and Anny in Kfar Zeitim - notice Anny's red face. She was getting really hot!

The close up view of the Cliffs.

The ruins of the ancient synagogue of Arbel.

Let the hiking begin!

Curse this slow internet! Curse it all the way to the Negev! I'm trying desperately to upload pictures from the last couple of days (I did succeed with a couple - go back and look), and send some pics to Ali through email, and I'm being thwarted!


But, I shouldn't complain. I'm sitting here in comfortable chair, in an air-conditioned room, having hiked only three or 4 miles today (although, they were not easy miles - darn those abundant thistles!), and also having swum in a pool to relax. I mean, really, must I complain?

Yes, I must. Because I got up early and drove that darn car back to Tiberias (and while I'm cursing things, curse that blasted GPS! It was a (second) miracle that I even got out of Nazareth!) and came back on the bus. Actually, the bus ride was totally fine. And the hiking today, while hot and truly encumbered by thistles that scratched our poor legs, was not that bad. So, I'm done with the complaining, and you'll just have to wait for the pics another day.

So, after arriving back at the Fauzi Azar (which is absolutely amazing - I'll be staying there some more, and would love to take any friends with me another time I'm in Israel), we got some lunch and got back on a bus to partially retrace our steps. We arrived at Golani Junction, about the 2/3 point of today's planned hiking adventure, and began the search for the Jesus Trail. I was very excited to begin! It was not easy to find, but we managed, and began by crossing stones across a muddy water drainage something-or-other, and then hiking up into the hot, dry hills. We were doing fine for a bit, and then somehow we lost the trail. I'm going to bring this up with David Landis (who created the trail) - it was not only not clear, but very difficult to find the trail - and we ended up tired, with very scratched legs. Anny with some mysterious bite on her hip, that apparently is rather painful. But we made it. They're both lying in bed comfortably perusing the Internet with their electronic devices.

We had to walk about an extra 2/3 mile, all up a rather steep hill, to the Kibbutz Lavi hotel - but it was worth it (although, if you've ever seen me hot and sweaty and sunburned - it's not the most picturesque sight. The guy at the reception desk had a little smirk he kept trying to hide on his face, I noticed). It is a pretty nice hotel - and very Jewish. A lot of moms in the pool with their hair covered (Orthodox Jewish custom), rather conservative atmosphere, for a hotel, and, as Anny pointed out, no Asians. But the dinner was fantastic (I ate myself silly!) and the air-conditioning very welcome. I'm off to bed - and hopefully will be able to share some fun pictures today - and more in the coming days!

Leaving the Fauzi Azar, we commenced our journey. Don't worry - we'll get back to Nazareth on Friday, so there will be lots more to tell about it! Maybe, if we manage to remember, we'll take a picture of the narrow streets to give you an idea of the feat we accomplished with the car!

Our first leg of the journey (really, a day and a half in - we cheated because we got behind). We found the first trail marker!

Walking the trail (this was BEFORE we got lost - the trail really could be better marked as some crucial junctions!).

And still we walked!

Sylvia and Anny comparing sun tattoos on their feet (from their sandals).

The view from our hotel in Kibbutz Lavi.

Sylvia purchased this dress in the market at Nazareth. I kept telling her to smile like she meant it, and this is the best she came up with.

The hotel in Kibbutz Lavi.

A tired me fell to sleep - and Anny took advantage of the photo op.